To go or not to go... that is the question...

I've been on a project at work that's been a good challenge and learning opportunity. I'm part of a team who has been tasked with choosing a new CRM (Customer Relationship Management) tool for our entire division. We come up with scripts, which vendors will use to walk through different things that their system can handle. A basic example: demonstrate for us how to add a new account.

Once we come up with all these scripts, we give them to the vendors, then they come and demo their product for us. The tricky part at that time comes in scoring how they do. And one question keeps racing through my mind all the time, which was asked by one of the consultants working with us. "If they can prove that they can do everything you ask for, will you be ready at that point to buy the product?" Uh... maybe. I may come up with some new things I want, or I may just not like the feel of the product, or I may just not like the presenter, etc, etc, etc. I don't like to be locked down like that. I'm not even the one dishing out the dinero to make this whole thing happen, but I'm taking seriously the decision before me.

So, on a personal note, I've been trying to decide about going on a trip to Ethiopia in Dec/Jan with Marney. (Should I stay or should I go now?... sing with me... ) I realize that for a while I was totally on board and ready to buy my ticket. Sheesh, at first we were planning to go in early September, so I would have already been back by now. Then it was moved to late December into early January. And then more time passed, and something happened.
I lost my desire and I don't know if I want it back or not.

Tonight I decided to write out my hesitations/expectations. I shared a lot with Marney last night and she encouraged me to think through some of the details of what would make me want to go (in terms of content). Great idea. So, as I was going through all of my reasons not to go, they all started to seem like excuses. I felt like if someone changed each of them, that I wasn't convinced I should still go. Like what are the criteria that would make me buy the ticket right this moment? If the cost for the trip went down to a certain point, would I be in right away? Is it just a money thing? Or if I got to do everything I want to do there, balancing ministry and relationships and fun, would I be convinced? Is it just a content thing? I'm not sure.

So, here I am. Still undecided. And I don't know how to make that decision or how to know. Can I just make scripts of exactly what I want in a trip/vacation? Then I can have people present options and show me what their trip has to offer. Then would I be ready to go wherever that leads me? Probably not, because I'm way too stinking indecisive, and because I don't even know what I want anyway. I need a coin to toss.

***I would like to add that I understand and realize how incredibly fortunate I am to even be considering a vacation, especially one to Africa. But I also want to be a good steward of my money. I keep thinking of all the other things I can do with it than to take a short trip for myself, and that's not helping.