I often have a hard time giving gifts. Whether the gifts are expected for events like birthdays, showers, Christmas or just random act of kindness doesn't usually matter. I really don't want to make people feel like they owe me anything, so I just would rather not go there. I don't want to give too little and feel judged for my lame present. And I don't want to give too much and make anyone feel bad. It really sucks though, and it's totally the wrong way of thinking about it. Who am I to say that they'd even feel those ways? Why should I refrain from doing something nice just because another person may have a hard time with receiving?
It's probably because when people do things for me, I am the one with the receiving issues. I usually feel the need to reciprocate just because. That's just wrong too. What's the harm in just receiving a gift and being thankful for it? The value of the gift should not be the prime factor in choosing whether to give a gift, or what I/they should give.
Sometimes I just stop giving gifts for seasons of my life, because I don't even want to deal with the emotions involved. It's easier to not be a gift-giver than to give a gift with the potential to bring with it a portion of awkwardness. My own insecurity gets in the way.
Since I started thinking through giving recently, I stumbled across Deuteronomy 15:10 (The Message): "Give freely and spontaneously." Could that be more blunt? I think not. Those words inspired me to action in giving to something I had been dwelling on for longer than I should have.
In the last few days, though, I've been questioning that decision to give. Even though the check was signed and out of my hands, I wanted to get it back. I felt like I would rather give anonymously than to make someone feel as though they owe me anything.
Then there was a short, seemingly insignificant chat over Office Communicator this morning with my great friend Becky which helped shed some light on my feelings. It finally made sense to me I should not withhold anything based off of assumptions of how others would feel. My role in the situation is to give as I feel God prompting me. They can deal with that however they'd like. I shouldn't feel the need to explain myself or attempt to be selfishly anonymous. Just give. Give freely.
Amen! Another great post, Jamie. I love your posts because they are so introspective.
ReplyDeleteGood stuff.
The ironic part, given the situation, is that I'm HORRIBLE at receiving gifts for many of the same reasons that you mentioned. I always feel so bad. I'm realizing that it's my deal though, and I need to stop trying to worry about the giver so much.
ReplyDeleteGift giving is never forced; it's the giver's decision. Somehow that doesn't make it any easier though. You know that feeling when you're opening a gift and everyone is watching and you feel ... so ... obligated to say something? I take that feeling and extrapolate it out way too much. Not fun.
How ironic would it be if the gift giver in a situation was feeling all weird on behalf of the receiver, and the receiver was feeling all weird on behalf of the giver ... hypothetically?
I think I vastly prefer anonymous giving and receiving.
Hypothetically that would be quite an awkward situation. I wouldn't want to be there. But if I were, I'd want to go eat a great meal with a fun group of people afterward.
ReplyDelete